


For Harry

by Noventia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Please Be careful, Tumblr Prompt, this might be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:33:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noventia/pseuds/Noventia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has bulimia; he just wanted to be better, so he could deserve Harry. </p>
<p>Prompt from Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Harry

**Author's Note:**

> From this Prompt;
> 
> I've got a fic prompt? But it's triggering and maybe u'll be uncomfortable writing it so u can ignore this, but I really wanted an eating disorder!louis fic (not au) where the boys worry and talk about him a lot and larry is a thing and they just want him to get better but L feels like he needs to do it bc he doesn't feel good enough so he "deserves" it... Totally ignore this if it's making u uncomfortable though
> 
> I really hope you like this! It was difficult to write, as you can imagine, because I hate the idea of the boys in pain, and I'm not good at writing angst. :/ 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at https://lyinginthedark.tumblr.com/

“Harry you need to talk to him!” Niall was hysterical, face bright red. Liam was nodding seriously next to him. 

“I know! You think I don’t know that? Trust me Niall, I’ve noticed! I notice every night when I wrap my arms around him that he’s too thin! I notice! I know he needs help, but he won’t let me in!” Harry’s voice broke, falling from strong and angry to soft and scared, “I tried…he ran away. He locked himself in out bathroom for hours…” Niall slumped into Liam. He hadn’t known that.

“God Harry, I’m sorry. I know you’ve noticed. I’m not, I’m not saying that you haven’t noticed or tried or anything like that…you’re the only one he’d listen to is all.” 

“But he’s not! He isn’t listening to anything I say!” God had he tried. He told him how perfect and wonderful he was when they were going to bed, when they woke up, whenever he caught Louis looking into mirrors and frowning. 

Liam put a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you aren’t saying the right things?” 

“What do you mean?” He’d do anything to help his baby, his Lou.

“He’s obviously doing this for a reason, it’s Louis he does everything for a reason; find out what the reason is and maybe you could convince him to stop.” Harry had never been able to convince Louis of anything in his life; it was usually the other way around.

He’d try though, for Louis. 

The front door slammed, voices coming towards them. 

“Louis!” Zayn? He and Lou weren’t meant to be back for an hour.

Louis came around the corner, face pale, and before anyone could say anything he was in the bathroom. They all heard the lock click into place. 

“Shit.” Yeah, that about summed it up; thanks Zayn.

“What happened?” Harry didn’t know he could sound so scared.

“I don’t know! One minute everything was fine, we were having fun in the pool and then he’s jumping out and running.” 

Harry opened his mouth to press for more details when he heard it; a soft sob and the sound of retching. A piece of his heart cracked and fell into oblivion. 

“I can’t leave him in there by himself, I just can’t. Get a key.” Niall sped out of the room, yelling for a key. He was back in under a minute. 

Harry stood at the door for a moment, gathering strength for what he was sure he’d see; what he never wanted to see. Before the other boys could say anything to help he’d unlocked the door.

“…Louis? Darling are you okay in here?”

Louis moved so that his back would be facing Harry if he came into the bathroom, he didn’t need to see this. Harry was too sweet, too pure for Louis’ problems. Naturally that didn’t stop him from walking in; from seeing Louis kneeling in front of the toilet.

“Oh Lou, no sweetheart...” Louis hated the sound of Harry’s voice when he saw this, hated it. He sounded so broken, so vulnerable and scared. “Lou, hey look at me darling, just look at me.” 

No, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to see the disgust in those perfect eyes, didn’t want to see the regret and horror at having Louis near him…he couldn’t see that. It’d destroy him.

“Darling please…” God but that voice would destroy him too. Dropping his eyes to the ground, hoping to avoid having to see the horror and disgust, Louis turned. Just his head, the rest of his body stayed hunched over the toilet; tense and waiting for the next inevitable wave of retching.

He knew he looked a mess, he could feel the remnants of vomit sticking to his chin and there was no way his hair would have survived the trip to the bathroom and subsequent heaving. 

“Oh baby, why do you do this to yourself?” Louis didn’t move, didn’t shrug, he didn’t do anything; he didn’t have the strength to anymore. He felt Harry get up from where he’d been crouching, this was it, the moment he saw how gross Louis was and left. Louis could feel the tears gathering in his eyes, the nausea pooling in his stomach. God he just hoped Harry left in time; he didn’t need to see this.

Louis flinched when something white came into his line of sight. “Hey, it’s okay baby.” Harry. He…he was still here? Ignoring, or maybe not noticing, Louis’ shock Harry continued to wipe gently at Louis’ face; slowly getting rid of all the vomit, and all the sweat.

Louis stared at him, breaking his own rule and looking into his eyes. They were gorgeous eyes, Louis had always thought so, so wide and so green. From the moment he’d looked into them when he was 18 he’d been lost in them. Lost in a sea of green and Harry. He’d realised pretty quickly that he didn’t deserve Harry, not the way he was. He was too fat, too ugly and he wasn’t good enough. He would drag him down; ruin everything if he didn’t do something. 

So he’d done something.

He’d hoped Harry wouldn’t find out, he’d hoped none of them would. But Harry was lovely and noticed everything. 

Harry was the first to comment of how thin he was. He was the first one to be concerned when Louis preened.

Harry was the first to try and talk to him. He was the first to yell his name when Louis ran away.

Harry was the first to smile at him and tell him that he thought Louis was perfect. Harry was the first to figure it out. 

Harry was the first to cry.

He was crying now, Louis realised. Softly, eyes wet and a tear trailing down his cheek. Louis stared at it…he hated making Harry cry. It wasn’t right, Harry was an angel, Harry shouldn’t cry. 

“W-why are you c-crying?” His voice was rough and he winced at the sound of it. Could he even sing anymore? Harry brushed the tear away, a watery smile decorating his mouth. This was the first he’d spoken to Harry, to anyone, in days he realised.

“I’m worried about you Lou…” He hated that he was the one to put that frown on Harry’s face, “I love you, I hate seeing you like this…you’re too thin baby…” All Louis wanted to do was get up and scream. To tell him why he was doing this; that he did it for Harry, so that he could be as great as Louis knew he could be. As great as Louis knows he deserves to be. 

He couldn’t do that though. His legs wouldn’t let him stand up.

“It’s i-important! H-harry, I do it f-for you…” Now there was horror on his face, his endless green eyes bursting with disbelief, with fear. 

“No!” Harry surged forward in an instant, gripping Louis’ biceps tightly. Had his hands always wrapped around him like that?

Harry sobbed. Harry stared at his hands, at the way his thumb and forefinger could wrap around Louis’ whole arm. Harry had long fingers, so of course that would happen. Louis wasn’t worried.

But…Harry was crying. Really crying; it wasn’t just a tear. He had tears pouring out of his eyes, faster than he could wipe them away; they almost looked like green waterfalls. Louis felt his heart clench, Harry shouldn’t be so sad. 

Harry was holding him close, one hand still wrapped tightly around his arm and the other securely around his shoulders. “I can’t lose you Lou…” 

“You aren’t gonna lose me Harry.” Harry seemed to shake harder at that.

“You can’t promise me that, not if this keeps happening.” He couldn’t? He wanted to, he wanted to be able to promise Harry forever. He loved Harry.

“I don’t…I’m n-“The nausea caught him by surprise, throat spasming as his body forced nothing but bile up into his mouth. Harry was quick, Louis didn’t know what he’d seen but he’d spun him around his face the toilet in less than a second.

And he was there. 

He was there rubbing his back, whispering encouragement and holding back his hair; telling him that he loved him, that they’d get through this together. Louis just had to stop hiding. 

Could he do that? Could he stop hiding what he was doing? Could he…stop? Looking at Harry, at his red rimmed eyes, thinking of his plea not to lose Louis…he thinks he could. 

For Harry.


End file.
